It's Time for a Tune Up!

Over the past few months, I was mentally drained and simply going through the motions of life. In previous blog posts, I mentioned the importance of listening to God and being obedient in order to fulfill my purpose. Initially, it appeared to be easy, then life started hitting and that is when the true test began. I found myself listening to God and then tuning Him out because I did not want to read or hear another scripture that did not align with my reality at the moment. There were days where I felt like my spiritual engine was on, but I felt myself stalling. I was always told to persevere and keep pressing even when the obstacle seemed difficult because God would, undoubtedly, carry me through. So, I kept driving … going to work, lesson planning, teaching my heart out, going to class, writing papers, doing projects, tutoring, interning, writing, volunteering, etc. I thought that my obedience was enough to receive God in his fullness. I realized that was false when I started feeling weaker with the more assignments I took on. Imagine pressing the gas trying to go 100 MPH, but only going twenty. That only happens when there is a part of your car that needs attention.

I desperately wanted to know why I felt like I was dragging. Normally I would pray and cry out to God, but I honestly did not have the energy for that. So I decided to journal and write exactly how I was feeling. Then I realized that I had the will to be obedient and my intentions were pure, but I was lacking the power behind the will (willpower). I found that it is meaningless to have the desire to do something without the ability and/or framework to carry it out. While I was fulfilling God's will in my life, I thought that I had him with me and was full of Him. Then I started realizing frequent shifts in my attitude. I wanted to keep driving, but I no longer had enough strength left to keep operating on my own. My spiritual engine was stalling because my oil was leaking. God was trying to fill me up with oil (His anointing), but I still had some holes in my spiritual life that caused me to leak. Without God's anointing, I did not possess the power necessary to fulfill His will because I was spiritually declining. It did not matter how fast I was trying to go, I kept stalling because my spiritual engine needed a tune-up. My spiritual life needed to be serviced, every warning light was on, but I was ignoring God. Instead of going to the source and getting into my word and praying, I decided to fill my engine with other familiar things in attempts of functioning as long as I could, in hopes of aimlessly fulfilling purpose and embarking on the promises of God.

My mistake was paying attention to the problem while avoiding the One person that would bring me out of it if I allowed him. The One that never saw it as a problem, to begin with, because it was always designed as a stepping stone. That is ultimately why we have to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. That is the only way we will truly receive His perspective. That was the tune-up that I desperately needed. Often times we try to fix the issue by ourselves, but end up with more problems than we started with. Others avoid the dealership because they are not ready to make the financial sacrifice to repair their car. Some of us will keep driving until the car completely breaks down. The devil is going to do what he does, but I was focusing on his divisive tactics versus the power of God. I refused to turn towards the mechanic because I knew it required a sacrifice. I honestly felt like I already gave enough. I was like Lord I gave you the music that I listen to, how I spend my free time, what I say, how I carry myself, etc. His response was so pure, "Yet, all I need is you." The problem was I was only giving God part of me. When I would go to get my spiritual vehicle fixed, I knew that I needed a new engine, but I would say, "Naw, I'm just going to get that oil change." I was essentially telling God that I do not need you to check or fix anything outside of what I am comfortable with. See, I was comfortable paying for an oil change, but I wasn't ready for the financial sacrifice of buying a new engine. I knew it was necessary, but I did not make decisions based on what I needed in the long term; I was just focused on the now.

I would ask myself, what can I do to keep running another day without breaking down? I just needed a quick fix that would temporarily get me through. Open my Bible and do a few devotionals and I would be good as new. I did not need my engine restored, I did not need God to remove the fleshly desires and replace them with His will for my life. I was not ready for that spiritual sacrifice. I was telling God, I'll let you into some areas, but I'm not ready to give you all of me. I heard God saying, daughter, I am more than your quick fix. I was broken for so long that I no longer recognized it as an issue. My engine light was on and I learned to ignore it. Jesus could not ignore it though. That is why he already made the ultimate sacrifice. I did not have to pay for anything, God just wanted to work on me, heal me, deliver me, free me from the false image of myself, show me what newness truly feels like, align me, etc. I just needed a tune-up. I got saved and was made new, but I did not realize the maintenance required. I convinced myself that giving God all of me was optional, and that is what was holding me back. God was ready to move in my life and give me more of his oil (anointing), but all I was doing was wasting purpose because I was leaking.

Advice: I challenge you to seek God if you feel like you are running on empty. Allow him to reveal the areas that need to be repaired and then allow God to work on them. Do not keep it from him or try to mask it because before you know it, you will break down. Also, do not focus on the issues that you have. Keep your eyes on the One with the power to mend every broken part of your being. Then and only then will you be able to fulfill the Will of God because you will be full of the Power of God!